brookecole22

I want to be there with you.

2008-09-29T10:50:17Z

I wish I could be with you every minute.
So I knew what you were doing.
I trust you alone. But I don't trust you around others.
You're the kind of person to give into temptation easily.
That worries me.
It worries me a lot.
I knew you were feeling guilty.
I mean, it's over something stupid.
But it makes me worry.
Are you not happy with me anymore?
Do you think I need to change?
I feel like you talk to me differently.
That we're married.

That you don't kiss me the way you used to.

UGH.
Well, I love you.
I'm being redic, like always, so I'll go.
=]

So, this is a big change.

2008-08-22T00:32:24Z

So this is a big change from last post.
Things seem to be happening so fast.

I was only looking for a friend, someone to talk to.
And I feel in love.
And in a way I always thought was rediculous.

I found her online.
SO stupid.

It started off with just a hello.
How are you.
Tell me a little something about yourself.

And now it ends, everynight,
with a I can't wait to see you, I miss you.
Goodnight, babe.
I love you.

It's so crazy.
That this all happened so fast.

Like, I am happier than I have ever been.
In my entire life.

I have finally found someone who loves me, for me.
And accepts everything about me.
And knows all the bad things about me, and still loves me.

I don't seserve her.
Not at all.
She's wayyy too good for me.

I love how she'll drive an hour to see me at work.
Just to bring me a flower, and kiss me.
And then leaves.

I can talk to her for hours.
And never get bored.
Ahh, like this is so crazy.
I am happier than ever, and it's all her.

I can't even explain it.
It's the most amazing feeling in the world!

brookecole22 @ 2008-07-09T14:46:00

2008-07-10T03:18:35Z

I feel like I'm going to puke.
I have absolutely no control of my life right now.
Everyone's controlling it for me.
And I'm allowing them to.
I'm always trying to make people happy, and please them.
You'd think this would make me happy, but it's to completel opposite.
I feel like everyone is carrying on without me.
No one seems to get me, or respect me.
People are breaking my heart, right infront of me.
You'd think that they would at least wait and do it when I'm not around.

I'm fat. I need to lose weight.
And this is part of my unhappiness.
And my lack of successful relationships.
Because people can't see anything but physical appearence.

FUCK.
I'm done.
I'm too angry to type.

dudeee.

2008-07-07T19:50:27Z

wow, I haven't posted anything on here in a long time.
I just remembered that I had it =]
So, I'm pretty excited.
Because I just bought tickets to go see 3 of my favorite singers/song writers<333
Missy Higgins, and the Indigo Girls.
It should be an AMAZING concert.
I will probably die when I see them, and I will probably die because there should be
like a MILLION CH's there ( for those of you who get that =] )
It should be a pretty rad time.
Haha, I just said rad.
Wow.

.....but you said forever.

2008-06-01T02:19:00Z

So I have this best friend.
And she is the MOST amazing person in the world.
I love her more than anything, and would do anything for her.
Except she doesn't call me anymore.
She doesn't return phone calls.
She is always with her boyfriend.
And she is always with her new boyfriend.

I feel so alone.
And left behind.

She told promised me once she moved, she would call every day.
And made sure that we would still be best friends, and hang out every weekend.

I guess the move is not all to blame.

Life is too.
We are both growing, gaining more friends, and having new priorities.
We both have jobs, family, and school to handle.
We are both busy, and while we grow more busy we grow farther and farther apart.
And she says nothign has changed.
But deep down inside, we both know it has.

When we were younger we would talk about how we would never grow apart, only closer as we got older.
And our promises to eachother have been broken.

And slowly, but surley, she will forget about me.
And I will be just a memory.

And it sucks.
SO much.
I am so so hurt.

I miss what used to be.
I miss my childhood, and I hate watching it fastly pass me by.
I don't want to grow up.
I just want things to be liek they used to be.
I miss is just being us.
I was perfectly fine with just having her, and no one else.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I spend weekends alone now.
I used to be with her EVERY weekend.
And now, I see her about 3 times a month.
And all I have left now are the memories I made with her.

AHHH.

tonight.

2008-05-22T01:00:55Z

so tonight was amazing.
All I have to say, is " I KNEW IT."
And now that I really do know it, I am so happy.
Like I can't even explain it.
And if you're reading this ( you know who you are),
I am so happy you told me first.
Like I'm so happy you trusted me.
Gahh.
I love you =]
Tonight was really cool because I told told some stories,
which were very very very interesting, and surprising.

Also, I saw the person with the hottest voice ever tonight.
Like, I don't know if you guys find voices sexy, because I usually don't.
But this one person has the voice of sex.
For real.
It's amazinnnnggg<3

Alright, I think I'm done.
I'm being quite random.

OH, also,I was molested today.
It was interesting, for real.
It was scary actually.
=]

OSWGO.

2008-05-02T01:44:04Z

Heyy oswego.
here we come.
and when I say we, I mean me & siobhan.
yes.
hardcore cool hoes.
if you get what I'm sayingg ;]
Uhmm.
yeah.
So I've spent all night packing and planning for this shindig.
I can't believe I'm getting up at 4:30 am to go to Oswego.
With people I hate.
Except for Siobhan.
Our bus leaves at 6:15.
And we don't get back until midnight.
and then the next day, saturday.
I have a hair appt. @ 8:30 am.
I am getting it cut and colored. YAY.
And then @ 11:45 am.
I have a bridal shower, for my mom's bff.
And then @ 4:45 pm, I'll be chopping your prices.
in Johnstown.
so you should totally come visit me.
well.
I think I'm done with this.
there's a few more things I need to do to get ready, I just wanted to let oswego know,
that siobhan and I are on our wayyy.
peaceee my niggggss.

MONO

2008-04-15T15:49:07Z

So.

I've been sick.

I've started feeling better.

And now I feel kind of crappy again.

So....

I'm sitting in my room.

Listening to music.

And thinking about how I want to go back to work tonight.

And then the phone rights.

So I go to pick it up.

And I say, "Hello"

and the voice responds" Hello Brooke.Is your mother there?"

I say: "No, she's still working, why?"

the doctors says, " Oh, we just got your test results back, and it shows that you DO have mono. It's near the end, it's the finishing stages, it shows you're getting over it."

I say, " Oh okay, so what do I do."

She says," Well, have your mom call me when she gets home from work and we'll figure it out then."

SOOO, pretty much I'm screwed for the rest of the break.

I probably can't go out.

I probably have to go back to the doctors, which I HATE.

I probably can't go to work.

I probably can't see any of my friends.

I probably can't have the wicked sweet dance party I planned to have with Siobhan.

JESSSUUUSSSS.

So no, I'm stuck.

In my bedroom.

Because the living room is being remodeled, and is a MESS and all gross and dusty. There are no walls.

And it's just a bare old hard wood floor.

SOO, I'm stuck. In my room.

Watching people I will never meet talk about thier lives on youtube.

Playing guitar.

Trying to learn how to edit movies<<<<<NOT going to happen.

And sleeping.

Because having mono makes you REALLY tired.

Idon't know why.

But that's all I do.

SLEEP. GUITAR. YOUTUBE.SLEEP. TV.

OHH, but there is one good thing about today, JUNO came out.

And I am going to go get it.

NO, I am not going to go get it. DAMN IT.

I will make my mom go get it :-)

Spring Break.

2008-04-14T17:21:49Z

Spring Break.
ahh.
I thought Spring Break was supposed to be filled with non stop partying and fun.
yeah.
it's not.
who ever told you that, lied.
It's rediculous.
My spring break is filled with coughing, youtube, tv dinners, and more coughing.

OHHH.
AND WORK.
yes, good old price chopper.
I am not supposed to be working under my current health conditions, and they know that.
So what do they do.
They sign me up to be Chopping Prices ALL night tomorrow.
So it ruined my plans.
from 3-7:15 you can come visit me chopping prices :-)

I was going to meet Laura's friend, Annie.
And I was excited.
I really wanted to meet her.
She sounds pretty cool.
But NO.
Thanks for P Chop,
I will be bagging everyone's shit from 3-7:15
How cool.

BUUUTTTTT,
there are a few cool things to talk about....
1) I put up some new vids on youtube last night.
check them outtt.
my youtube name is SchoolProductions
I know, how original. :-)

2) Juno comes out tomorrow.
And because I pre ordered it from FYE,
I get a friggin sweet Pregnancy test pen.
Which I'm pretty stoaked about getting.

3)Jen Palmer is coming home in 8 days.
Yeah, that's pretty exciting.
And I guess I get to borrow an Ellen D book she bought.
Which is wicked sweet.

4) My braces should be coming off sometime this summer.
Which is really exciting.... becasue I've had them for like forever.
And I really do hate them.
A LOT actually.
They make it really hard to brush my teeth.
And I really like brushing them.
A lot.

Ohh, well I better be going.
I decided to make frozen banana's.
Well, you can't make them.
But I froze them, and it's time to go dip them in chocolate.
:-)
So I hope everyone is having a better Spring Break than I am.

STORMS. & HAIR.

2008-04-01T23:30:17Z

uhh.
so it's storming out.
and I'm home alone.
and I don't like it.
I mean, I love storms.
Just not when I'm alone.
I'm afraid that they'll like....
eat me or something.

and I'm sick too.
and I don't like to be alone when I'm sick.
And since I like just puked....
I really hope that the power doesn't go out.
Because then I'll be puking in the dark.
And shitting my pants.

So yeah.
that's that.
and if you're reading this...
you should come save me....
from the dark...
and the storms....

OMG.
I jsut had a thought.
OKAY, I'm cutting my hair on friday....
I don't know what I'm going to get done.
All I know is that I was it to be short.
And I want it to be different.
Something people wouldn't expect me to get.

I'm feeling rather rebellious....
so if you find any wicked sweet cuts....
show them to me.
and I will love you forever....
:-)

Discovering...I guess.

2008-04-01T11:00:36Z

So, as of lately, I have discovered some new, and interesting things.
I am not exactly who I say, or make myself out to be.
I am not the "good" girl everyone thinks I am.
I am doing stupid, stupid things, to try and prove to them all that I am not the girl they all say and think I am.
I can't do this anymore.
I am hiding my true self. I am afraid.
I am so scared to be myeslf, because I've been pretending for so long now.
I'm not sure if I know how to be myself.
Sure, I can play the part of "Brooke Cole", the Brooke Cole, everyone wants and expects me to be.
Not the Brooke Cole I want to be.

Why am I living my life for others?
Why am I taking time, and trying to figure out ways to make others happy,
when I'm not happy myself.
Please, can someone explain that to me!?!

So I liked this one person.
I talked about it.
Figures they would never liked me back,
they told me they didn't.
I cried.
I was angry.
I was confused,
but most of all,
I was relieved.
I was relieved of the stress of wondering....
"What could be..."
"what could happen..."

and now it's all over.
I actaully discovered I don't have the true feelings I thought I did.
Thank God.

So, there's this new person in my life.
I am scared.
I don't think they'd understand my feelings for them.....
but hey, it's worth a try.... I guessss.
hmmm...
maybe this could be good.

The Internet Can't Break Your Heart!

2008-03-31T00:28:24Z

So, I am now in love with the internet.

Because it is probably the best listener I have ever come across.
It takes everything in you say, and thinks about it.
Deeply.
It never responds, which is probablly a good thing.

It can't break your heart.
<33

my life. is not cool.

2008-03-25T17:51:01Z

wow @ my life.
uhh, I'm in music theory.
Everyone is in love, but me.
I am the biggest loser in the world.
I have no life, because if I did,
I wouldn't be wasting valuable time of my life writting this.

WOW.
Why can't anyone love me.
:-/

All my friends are in love with eachother.
And everyone hates me.
This sucks.
And I really wish that Siobhan would hurry up tuning the guitar, because I don't want to tune it.
And I really want to play.
Sooo. yeahhhh.......

uhh. And we have a play that opens Friday.
It's going to blow.
Like for REAL.
It's going to suck.
And my dance partner, he's really wierd.
he like's to touch me.
But he claims that he likes men.
I'm not sure.
But I have to go .
Class is starting now.
Bye.

Easter, is stupid.

2008-03-24T00:14:01Z

I'm not a religious person.
I hate Easter.
I don't understand it.
I think the bible is a big crock of shit.
I think someone who had no life,
decided that it would be cool to write this whole long story.

And who would have thought, that someone who had no life,
would have so many people follow him, and devote their lives to it.

For real, if there was a God, half the shit that happens, wouldn't.

And yes, some things are inexplainable.
And people believe there's a God.

But I don't.
Like for real, no one honestly cares that much for someone else, for people they don't even know.
No one would serisouly go up on a cross with thorns and everything, knowing that they were being killed for people.
Look were it's gotten us.
It's just taught us violence.
Violence is the answer.
NOT.

People are stupid.

So, my question is, should I be accepting gifts on a holiday, that means absolutly nothing to me.
I don't believe in it.
And why do you get gifts on easter?
It's an excuse for stores to consume more money from innocent people, just to keep thier kids happy.
And what the HELL does an egg, and a bunny have to do with Jesus dying? ( not that there is one)
Like, why does a rabbit give out eggs???
Rabbits are mammels.
They don't lay eggs.
They push babies out of thier vag.

I don't know.
Maybe I'm just stupid because I don't believe in all this.
But, I have the right not to.

I don't know what to make of the whole bible in general.

WOW, thanks Laura.

2008-03-20T02:50:39Z

so I now have this because Laura told me to get one.
And siobhan also told me how good this is for my anger issues.
She tells me that writing on the computer will help me get over things, and make things better.
So I guess it's worth a try.

I'm pretty tired now.
So maybe tomorrow I will tell you something.

Or maybe not since I have play Practice from 10:30 - 3:30
and work from 3:30- 9:15.
How I'm going to make it through the day, I don't know.

But maybe if I have enough energy, I will tell you something.

Wait, who am I supposed to be writting to anyways?
I'm not to positive at the moment.
So I will call you......
hmm. I'm not sure, but I'm open to suggestions.
So if you have any, you should tell me.
It would be wicked sweet.
<333
goodnight hoeesss.